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When Insanity Strikes
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Filed under Music, Personal
Tagged as holiday, meds, Music, nutbaggery, sasha, that sucks, tmi, vodka, whatever
Tagged as holiday, meds, Music, nutbaggery, sasha, that sucks, tmi, vodka, whatever
The Marionette of Flesh… Not Horror.
So, we ended up on this blog for our excellent puppet work. It was a very kind piece. Many of y0u might’ve noticed the giant jointed doll/marionette. I used to make little puppets back in Russia as a kid. I still love makinh them. This is my most ambitious creation to date. I hope you like her. She’s supposed to be a pirate girl. Dima says she’s creepy with her, “blankly unexpressive face.” I personally like her. I hope you like her too.
Photographs of Parallel Realities
Yesterday, Sasha and I were posing for pictures that will be seen in a blog about puppets and toy theaters. I am not sure why I was in the picture carrying chibis around with me. He’s the puppet master and he’s the one that thinks of chibis as anything other than a nuisance. However, Sasha was quite adamant that I did so and I wasn’t in the mood to argue.
Does anyone in our reading audience have any idea how difficult it is to force chibis to manifest themselves in the prime material when they don’t have anything special to comment upon? It’s not my idea of fun, to be certain.
In this picture, Sasha puts the finishing touches on the creature. For some reason the photographer insisted that he pose nude with his doll. Sasha is still fairly perverted in spite of his currently sanctimonious sense of morality. He agreed without hesitation. I kept my clothes on because I don’t like doing free erotic modeling and because those osteon skeleton puppets with the carbon protein wrappings are pretty damn creepy.
More details to come… Maybe…
Pride Memories
Filed under Booooooring!, The Past
Tagged as bi, chibi, dima, gay, holiday, intergender, navel gazing, sasha
Tagged as bi, chibi, dima, gay, holiday, intergender, navel gazing, sasha
Today is Pride Day in Minneapolis, so I suppose this would be a good time to share a “queerstory.”
When I was 10-years-old, Sasha and I had been in a cute puppy love relationship for about eight months. We mostly goofed around and did normal kid things. What made this a “romance” was my insistence that I would marry Sasha and the occasional kiss on the hand. I didn’t really understand the concept of marriage, but I knew that I wanted to be with my best friend more than anyone else. I knew Sasha was completely smitten with me because he’d let me pull his hair and taunt him with silly insults. I did not realize that Sasha was a boy until the day when I played keep-away with a paper airplane after school.
At first, I was very confused as to why Sasha would dress up like a girl if he was a boy. I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe my feeling, but I realized that Sasha’s gender matter to me when it came to love.
I’m looking forward to Pride. Sasha will probably bitch about the parade being an embarrassment to “normal” queers. He will bitch about how the only appropriate place to wear obscene clothing is Burning Man. The ball and chain will complain incessantly about all the show tunes, disco and techno that will undoubtedly invade our ears during the celebrations. Fortunately, Laisa and a few of her gothy friends are planning a special party to counteract the perky music. I wonder how Sasha will react when he realize that we will be the main act?
While I still remember, I better make sure everything is still good to go for Burning Man.
My parents are the biggest idiots ever.
I cannot believe that Alexandr and Dmitri have the audacity to call themselves my parents. They are so stupid. Terrence was a nice boy. Reznik was a nice boy as well. My fathers ruined any chance for me to date either one of them in a serious manner. It is not fair.
Bobby came over last night to pick-up some books that Terrence left behind. That boy is fat, dirty and a total geek. But, Lenka wanted me to come over and game with them. I had hoped that Terrence would be at Bobby’s, because I still sort of like him. He wasn’t.
For some reason my fathers decided to chat with Bobby about metal and my clothing. It was bad enough that they were all wasting my precious gaming time. I became livid when they decided that it would be a good idea for me to date my music nerd friend.
There is no way in hell I would ever date that dork! Ever.
The Perils of Virginity Pledge Butt-Loving
Filed under Teen Angst
Tagged as dima, discrimination, drama, laisa, nutbaggery, sasha, sex, tea baggers, tmi
Tagged as dima, discrimination, drama, laisa, nutbaggery, sasha, sex, tea baggers, tmi
Laisa and her “boy,” (as she calls him,) ended up having a fight and breaking up over her journal entry yesterday. That’s what happens when you forget that a public blog is not a highly encrypted message sent through a top-secret and private intranet.
I liked Terrence. Nice quality boy. Educated, articulate, genteel, excellent fighting technique, decent bassist and well-groomed. Sasha was downright giddy to see them split. I have no idea why.
Not wasting any time, he set our daughter up with some scrawny wuss by the name of Reznik. He was the son of a church friend. My stomach churned at the thought of my daughter dating a right-wing drone.
That kid behaved in an irritatingly Fundamentalist manner. He would not shut up about the Bible, the undead zombie god, or about how he would “pray” about my “unorthodox relationship” with Sasha. Then there was the mindless salivating over Bill O’ Riley, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh and that Mike “the Wiener” Savage. He even had the nerve to ask me about Miss America and Proposition 8. The lack of gray matter is painfully obvious. I worked hard to resist the urge to kill by ignoring his idiocy and not engaging in the conversation. And then, the little shit had to bring up abstinence-only education.
“I signed a virginity pledge! I’m gonna save myself for a Christian marriage.” I could not stop wincing at that fucking rodent. Everyone knows that teens who take virginity pledges are more likely to engage in risky anal sex to avoid “losing their virginity” to vaginal intercourse. Statistically, they are less likely to use birth control (just look at Bristol Palin.) Because of their ignorance about condoms, those abstinence twits are well-known STD spreaders.
I had a picture in my mind. I imagined that dumb hick talking my precious child into believing that bareback buttsex didn’t really count as actual sex. I cringed at the idea of my poor baby catching gonorrhea from Reznik’s high-risk, “non-sex” activities with other equally clueless Christian teens.
I lost my mind and opened my mouth when Laisa told me that they were going to the Cottage Grove drive-in theater. I wanted to make sure that this church mouse knew that anal sex was no joke.
Laisa yelled at me in full Russian fury. I screamed right back. Before we finished arguing, the mouse boy ran away, screaming something about homosexuality, hellfire and brimstone. Sasha and Laisa bitched at me. I smiled. My job as a father was well-done and my daughter’s toosh was safe from the Christian invaders.
Terrence and Sasha-Pa Suck!
I like my sorta-boyfriend Terrence, and I love my father Alexandr. They both drive me mad.
Terrence, Lenka and Bobby came over to jam a bit with me and the dads. For the most part, it was fun. Unfortunately, Sasha-Pa and Terrence finally had the opportunity to meet.
Sasha-Pa is stupidly bigoted when it comes to my dating anyone who is Jewish, not Christian or African-American. Terrence is a homophobe and thinks that the word “gay” is a synonym for “lame”. Both of them are passive aggressive and neither one has the guts to admit their idiotic prejudices. They pretend to be nice, but it’s so obvious that they are grossed-out by each other. They’re such ignoramuses.
UM Blog on available for Mobile Devices
Sorry for the out of character blog post y’all, but I have some good news to share. The Upir’s Mark blog is now available in Mobile Format! Other than a few minor glitches (let me know if you spot them,) it works great on most mobile devices, including iPhone, Palm and Blackberry smartphones. If you ever have trouble reading any of the comic text, just activate the “Optimized View” or “Zoom” feature in your mobile device’s browser, and you’ll be good to go.
Cheers!
Vas
My daddy saved me from a douche boy.
There are a few boys that are interested in me right now. I’m not sure why. I’m kind of a nerd and I already have a boy who I’m sort of dating. His name is Terrence and he’s from Sierra Leone. He speaks French and he’s quite the Judoka. I love sparring with him. I wish other boys would realize that we are quite tight.
One of my friends earned the title of “jerk boy ex-friend” tonight. We were supposed to just hang out and play video games. He knew that Terrence and I are more or less steady boy and girl pair. I am so furious right now, I cannot stop watching CSPAN.
Sasha-Pa was working his job as a security guard. Master-Pa frenetically prepared himself to DJ at the strip joint down the street, like he usually did on Friday nights. He was running around all over the place getting his goth leather daddy gear together. I wish he would DJ at Ground Zero or the Saloon like a normal denizen of darkness. I don’t understand how Master-Pa does the whole “Behold I’m DJ Lord Dmitri Satan 121-666″ act in front of naked sluts with fake boobs, but has a hissy fit in my skirt goes above the knee. It’s annoying and it’s illogical, but I know that he’s very protective of me.
Anyway, jerk boy and I had hung around before, so my usually paranoid Master-Pa didn’t seem like he was paying much attention. Jerk boy and I were playing were playing GTA IV. He started messing with my hair. I told him to stop being an asshole, and pushed him away. He calmed down for a bit. We heard Master-Pa shut off the shower and swear up a storm in several different languages. Like usual, father was fretting over running late, even though he would probably get to work a half hour early.
Jerk boy and I just kept on playing. Eventually, we heard two doors slams. The commotion paused. I assumed that Master-Pa went to work.
Jerk boy asked presumptuously, “You ready ?”
“Ready to beat your ass in this game?” He didn’t answer me, he just touched my hair. “Don’t mess up my hair.”
He tried to kiss my neck and whined, “C’mon…”
I bashed my control against his head. “You told me that this wasn’t what you meant when you said that you wanted to ‘hook up’.” He reacted by grabbing me and throwing me on my bed. Not a second after that creep attacked me, Master-Pa, kicked the door open.
Master-Pa, hadn’t finished his shower. He had a hunch that something was wrong, wrapped a towel around his waist and silently waited for something to happen. He pretended to leave in order to catch jerk boy off guard, and succeeded in doing so. Caught in the act, that dork quivered as Master-Pa intimidated the hell out of him. Jerk boy was too scared to move. Dad grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him against the wall. Dad warned him, “DON’T EVER FUCKING TRY TO RAPE MY DAUGHTER AGAIN YOU PIECE OF SHIT!” He threw jerk boy to the floor and told me to beat the shit out of him. I did.
“I’m gonna call the cops you crazy fucker,” jerk boy threatened. “They’ll put you in jail for beating a minor.”
I struck back, “I’ll tell the cops that you tried to sexually assault me.”
Dad grabbed him by the shirt again and opened the door, “GO AHEAD YOU LITTLE SHIT! ‘Cause you’re gonna be my bitch when we’re both in prison.” When Master-Pa threw him out. Jerk boy ran away in tears.
I hugged dad and he held me softly. He whispered in Russian, “Do you now understand why I don’t like it when you’re alone with a boy and your door closed? ” I nodded my head, “I don’t mind if you are alone with that special someone when you’re ready to have an intimate relationship. You know where the condoms are. But please, be careful and avoid dangerous situation. A sexual assault perpetrated against a woman is not her fault. However, it never hurts to use good common sense and stay safe. Isn’t that right?” I hugged daddy harder and thanked him. After taking a few minutes to calm down, Master-Pa left for work.
I am very lucky to have Master-Pa and Sasha-Pa. They are the best dads in the world.
Terrence, Lenka and Bobby are coming over tomorrow. I am so glad that at least some of my friends are decent.
Shirley Bassey sings a song from Lolita
Okay, I can’t really defend my involvement in the Upir’s Mark rendition of Lolita, my Love. Nor can I deny the fact that I was a walking gland possessing no discernment whatsoever, except for Ace. She was my little buddy after all. Of course, I did sorta pop her “I’m in love with someone” cherry (NSFW) about four years later. Then again, I was so drunk and reboundy over Dima temporaily leaving me for the shrink bitch, I could not help it. I’m vindictive. Whatever.
I can say that the music from that play is well-composed fag-bait. Personally, I like our version better because it’s moodier, spookier and metal. Then again, I am biased ‘cuz, I hate disco! I REALLY FUCKING HATE IT! Same with techno, though I can live with darkwave and industrial type shit.
To give you an idea of why we HAD to do that sick little play, check out the amazing Ms. Shirley Bassey who rhymes with “sassy.”
